Understanding stressors

Stress coach Mariska Borghouts is talking with a pedagogical employee who says she is extremely busy, overflowing in her work and worried about her advancement in her position. To start with, I ask her what she is struggling with at work.

She says she has many tasks and that in addition to "being busy with the children" there is a lot of administrative work and she no longer has an overview. Her story also shows that she likes to think up solutions, that there is no line in her work and that she tackles whatever comes her way.

I discuss this with her and ask her what her schedule looks like on a day and she says she just gets to work with whatever comes up. That is, the activities with the children, the administration, the household chores, and in addition, consultations or she casts herself as the one who picks up an extra task as well. At work, her manager makes the daily schedule.

I ask her what her schedule would be, how does she want to organize the day and what tasks are priorities in it? Is it helpful to let that depend on a manager.

She is puzzled for a moment, but then replies pretty much right after that that I have a good point. So I ask again what does your schedule look like? She is given this as an assignment, to keep track of that per day for the next two weeks, and in addition to that, to talk briefly with her teammates about who does what tasks on that day.

Then we talk further about tasks. I ask her what she does in a day and she lists a list of activities, noting that she also often mentions taking on other people's tasks. I discuss with her what her tasks are; what has priority? What needs to be done that day and what can be done later? She may also start keeping track of that. She tells me that she is regularly asked something and then she picks it up and solves it. I ask her what happens when she does this. Will her to-do list then become less or just more and moreover; is it her responsibility to solve everything colleagues ask right away or can those colleagues do that just fine themselves? Because by solving everything, you also take away the other person's responsibility.

She lets this sink in and then explains that she didn't notice, but that she's getting much busier now because she's picking this up in addition to her own work. And this is another assignment: put things back to colleagues, stick to your own schedule and your own tasks. This does not mean that you are rigid, but that you take responsibility for yourself and therefore get your own tasks done. This ultimately makes you feel better, gives you more insight and therefore gives you more space in your head instead of forgetting things, having a constant feeling of pressure and fear of disappointing colleagues. Especially the latter is a pattern that is often deeply ingrained, but which we also discuss further, in order to gain insight into why she does this and what it will bring her if she starts to behave differently towards colleagues.

We further discuss the break component. She indicates that she does not have one and does not plan it and basically just keeps going until the end of the day. I advise her to take a break from her workplace once in a while. Go outside for some fresh air, have a cup of coffee in between, have a quiet lunch at lunchtime, and after work especially relax for a while before starting her private duties again.

And so several components come up in a conversation: patterns, creating structure, planning, setting goals, resting and taking breaks. This all contributes to first of all gaining insight into yourself, but also getting the tools to deal with it. And ultimately this promotes recovery, making people feel better about themselves, both mentally and physically.